


14 tips on loving a brainwashed ex-assassin

by rxgers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 00:52:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2712926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxgers/pseuds/rxgers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1.	Don't offer him a glass of milk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	14 tips on loving a brainwashed ex-assassin

* * *

 

 

1\. Don't offer him a glass of milk.

 

* * *

 

2\. When he cries, do not hush him. Let him scream, let him kick, let him shatter like glass and eventually it will be quiet enough for you to piece him back together again. This will happen a lot - you might not get used to it, but you must learn to cope with it.

 

* * *

 

3\. When he throws up on the kitchen floor for the second time this week, tell him it is okay. He will not believe you, but he will hear you.

 

* * *

 

4\. Always ask permission to touch him. You will learn this the hard way. When he comes to and sees the bruise already forming on your right cheek, let him spout apologies like a fountain and with every single one you must provide a reassurance. Always forgive him. Always.

 

* * *

 

5\. When you introduce him to your friends and he is cold and sullen, do not be surprised. Smile at him. Brush his hand with yours. Never let him forget that he is safe with you.

 

* * *

 

6\. Do not treat him with kid gloves. He is not broken and you cannot treat him as such. Make him feel human, make him feel like his own man, remind him that he is not what they turned him into. He is not a monster, but he is not an angel.

 

* * *

 

7\. When you come home and find he has shattered two windows, wrecked the living room, the bedroom, thrown all the contents of the fridge onto the kitchen floor, and smashed the bathroom mirror - kiss him. Apologise for being late. Bandage his bleeding knuckles and kiss them, too. He will not understand why you do this, but you will. 

 

* * *

 

8\. Don't let Clint and Natasha play Call of Duty in the living room. This, I think, is self explanatory.

 

* * *

 

9\. One day, he will ask to join you and Sam on your run. Show how pleased you are, and watch for the flicker of light ignite in his eyes when you do so. Run at his pace, and if he speeds up, copy him. Make it into a race, it will remind him of when you were children with scabbed knees and gapped teeth. 

 

* * *

 

 

10\. Do not kiss the scars around his arm, both old and new. He will hate you for it.

 

* * *

 

11\. Miss her.

 

* * *

 

12\. Never forget that you are damaged too, that you have seen and heard things the average man could never dream of but remind yourself _you are not the average man_ and take time to heal yourself as well as heal him. Let yourself buy an extra packet of cookies without feeling guilty because you deserve it, wear oversized jumpers and fluffy socks, read poetry, draw what you see and what you love, write lists, sit and drink beer with your friends. Listen to all the music you missed when you were gone but listen to the music you heard before. When you wake up panting and sweating from watching him

_fall_

_fall_

_fall_

\- call Sam.

When the soles of your shoes wear down, laugh when you forget you have enough money to buy a new pair and you no longer have to worry about where your next meal will come from. Keep laughing. Allow yourself to laugh and when you have done this, teach him how to laugh because he has forgotten that too.

 

* * *

 

13\. He is not the person you once knew.

 

* * *

 

14\. He is the person you want to know now.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first post on ao3, i know it isn't all that good but this ideas been chilling around my head for a while now and i just wanted to write it down  
> comments welcome pls be nice i am but a delicate flower  
> find me on tumblr [here](bucckkyy.tumblr.com)


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